Balance

Balance.

Been thinking ALOT about balance recently.

There are many things in my life that I am trying to decide if there is a balance or even SHOULD be a balance.

Since Kent and I took separate cars to Jackson yesterday, we were talking on the phone on the way home.  Here is a small piece of a conversation we were having:

Kent:  "You seem like something is bothering you.  You're not yourself.  What's going on in your head?"

Me:  "Honestly, I think my mind is so overwhelmed about having the baby, getting the house ready, making sure we still make quality time for Hughes, seeing family and friends, not getting rest at night, my emotions are excited and scared at the same time, .......I don't know.  Really, my mind has been on overhaul so long, it has switched on to auto pilot.  My mind is kinda just....well...numb right now."

Immediately, I thought the statement that just came out of my mouth should be my title for this week's chapter in my life:

"..My mind has been on overhaul so long, it has switched to auto pilot."

There you go.  That sums up my past month. 

Which brings me back to the subject of balance.

Here is a list of the things that I, personally, have a struggle finding the balance:

(note: some are actually important and some are not, but none-the-less, they are things that run through my scrambled mind)

* Rest vs. Play.  
This comes in all forms.  Mostly, with Hughes.  I know he needs to be interacting and learning his environment during the day.  That's where the foundation of a child's education comes.  Therefore, there is no balance in this area.  Play wins...every time.  At night, it's Rest vs. RESTroom...again...RESTroom wins...EVERYTIME! :)

*Selflessness vs. Selfishness.
I'm sure EVERY Mom feels this way and I can probably guess that Selflessness wins....EVERY TIME.  But, could there be a balance between being Mom and being your original self?  Just asking.  So many things fall to the wayside the minute you put your Mom pants on.  For example, my hair hasn't been cut in 8...close to 9 months. 

What? 

I SWORE to myself I would NEVER be one of those people who just let themselves go after they have children.  You know the Mom with seasonal sweaters, button covers and keds painted to match. (okay, so maybe it's not THAT bad) But, like my daddy ALWAYS says, "Never say Never.  It will bite you in the rear every time."  So, he's right...once...again. 

The hair is just one example.  I had just rather do things for Hughes and Wiley than myself.  Then, sometimes I stand still long enough to look in the mirror and think...whoa sister...yourself 5 years ago would have chewed you out for doing this to yourself.  What ARE you thinking?  How have you missed that hair that is growing out of your face for long enough that it has gotten an inch long.  You need to slow down.  Is a doodoo bun at the bottom of your neck REALLY acceptable EVERY day?  If you tuck the ends, it looks nicer.  Doesn't that count for something? :)

And then, Hughes wakes up from his nap and suddenly none of these silly mindless things matter. 

But, the point is...well, if I have one at all, we mom's should take care of ourselves, at least a little bit.  Our children may not care about our 4 inch split ends and granny panties, but, I like to think that our husbands do.  They do...right?  I know they say they love us for who we are, but you've got to know that they want to see some pep in our step/style.  Don't they want to be proud of their wife and mother to their children?

*Overhaul vs. Auto Pilot.
It seems that lots of women out there are on overhaul.  It also seems that the other ones, even smart ones maybe, are on meds = auto pilot.  Some, like myself, are on self inflicted auto pilot.  Is there a balance between the two modes?  I sure don't know. 

But, the only way I have figured out how to TRY to balance this little life is this:

Prayer.  God is my balance.  Sometimes I talk to him past the point of auto pilot kicking in.  Shame on me.  But knowing He knows and cares allows me to let go of the silly things.  So, He can be my Pilot when in auto pilot.

Over and Out. 

I hear Hughes screaming from his bed now. 

Here we go...doodoo bun and all! I'd rather go play outside than put on make-up.  Vaseline on the lips will just have to do.  Shine is good after all....right?